Who am I to Parent my Teens?

 

So, having had a few difficult weeks recently … oh listen to me all polite and proper … forget it … it’s been bloody awful, eye-opening and downright tricky … but my parenting of teens has got me questioning whether I actually have a right to do this. What I mean is, was I such a wonderful angel of a teen that I am perfectly entitled to breezily reprimand and discipline my teens as if they are so wrong and bang out of order?

So, here’s what’s been happening in our house lately … there’s been one teenager, very much under the legal age of drinking, asking an older friend to get her alcohol for a gathering (for those who have read my previous posts you will know that we are no longer allowed to call them parties). Hmmm, now did I ever drink underage? No, of course not, never dreamt of it … well, I’m certainly not telling my children I did otherwise my rollicking this week would be hypocritical .. why do they need to know about my teenage love for Pernod and Coke … classy girl that I was!

Then there’s been the up until 2am (we are not talking about my bad parenting here) face-timing a boy who is not a boyfriend because they are just talking. Just talking?! For goodness sake … you’ve been ‘talking’ every night for 5-6 hours (including school nights – again not the time or place to discuss my parenting) for the last month – that’s over 140 hours of bloody talking – surely we can move on to the next stage of being a boyfriend? … And that rubbish maths mark you’re expecting because it was a hard test and not because you didn’t do any bloody revision due to ‘talking’ … hmmm … we need to ‘talk’ about that! So, obviously, I always revised for every test, never spent hours on the phone to boys, never had boys tapping on my bedroom window to chat at night (Oh come on, we didn’t have the technology to screen chat – don’t judge me!)

In addition to this we’ve had the whole ‘boyfriend sleeping over’ issue … now this is a biggie  … I never knew I was so old fashioned in my views until this happened and boy have I had a wake-up call. Serious boyfriend, serious, serious, serious … and I have a major ‘doors being left open’ policy … At. All. Times. So much so that I find myself waiting to hear a door close so I can text daughter and ask her to open it immediately … when did I become so pent up? When did I become so uncool and old fashioned? I don’t even recognise me. What am I worried about? What on earth are they going to get up to whilst I’m in the house for goodness sake? Or, more to the point … what on earth was I doing at their age that I’m so bloody worried about? I need to mention here that I do adore the boyfriend but I do remember being 16! And I’m not coping very well with my daughter being 16 – OK?

So, in a nutshell, I guess what I’m trying to say is why do we try and over parent our teens? If we are so scared is it because we know we were a total nightmare (loving the use of ‘we’ here and not ‘I’)? … does it matter in the long run? Probably not but we (there I go again) still find ourselves discipling as if our halos are in tact … think I need to get real and accept that my halo slipped a very long time ago and give my kids a break … just saying!

Mummuddlingthrough
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20 thoughts on “Who am I to Parent my Teens?

  1. My Mum used to make me keep my door open and a foot on the floor when I had my boyfriend round when I was 16. No lie! Oh and always separate beds when he stayed over!!! #bigpinklink

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  2. Ooh this is so interesting. We are 11 years away from this but I have NO idea what I will feel when I’m in your shoes. (I say when because it will totally happen!), I sort of know what I will be like. I’m already stricter then I thought I’d be. If I think back to me as a teen. *Shudder* I was a bit of a rebel and got myself into silly and irresponsible situations, nothing major but I definitely don’t like the thought of my precious cherub out drinking white lightening and stumbling home at 14! I was at boarding school though, and hopefully having her at home where I can keep a better eye will mean she doesn’t get up to so much. HA! Dream on I’d say! I guess all you can do is have a really open and honest relationship. Thanks for linking up to our #bigpinklink I’ll be hitting you up for advice when we get there! 🙂

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    1. Oh you’ve got loads of gorgeous years before the teens hit – enjoy!! It’s such a hard stage to parent – I feel for my parents now! And you’re right about the open and honest relationship – it’s the only way. Thank you so much for reading and commenting – hugely appreciated with such a busy linky (so many posts!!) xx

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  3. oh gosh you are making me nervous, my daughter is soon to be 12 (in May) and I am coping (barely) with mood swings and tears loads of tears. I am so nervous about what is to come, God give me patience and understanding. I remember being a teen all to well and yes I wasn’t perfect #bigpinklink

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    1. I think thats the problem when we think about our teen years – probably best not to and just do our best with what we feel is the right thing to do – intuition is a huge factor in my parenting – if i feel it’s wrong then it probably is. I frequently hear myself saying “I am allowed to parent you!” Hmmm think there may be a blog with that there – something else to work on! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment – I’m just that little step ahead of you so hopefully my posts will help (or make you weep!) x

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  4. You sound as if you are weighing it all up and doing an amazing job of trying to be fair and trying to keep your baby safe, well done you! This parenting lark is so damn tricky, sometimes I wish I was a teenager again doing all the things I shouldn’t of!! Keep smiling:))) x

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  5. Oh I am dreading parenting my two girls when they become teenagers. I was a vile teenager so I am not expecting an easy ride and I had fairly easy going parents who let me sleep over at boyfriend’s house and also let me have boyfriend in my room with door shut. Despite being vile to my parents I was actually very sensible (although naive) and I remember going to my first gig at 15 and then getting invited back-stage and rather naively I did go back but when they passed round the pencil case full of cocaine I was out of there like a shot! I think having witnessed some unsavoury things as a teenager I am paranoid that they are going to be exposed to similar and I worry about what choices they will make. So I don’t think they will be having their door shut, sleeping at boyfriends or going to gigs on a school night. But like you that makes me feel like a hypocrite. Argh it’s not an easy one! But we only get ourselves into tangles like this because we want to do the best by them 🙂

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    1. Wow, your parents sound so cool! I want to be like them and I think what you’ve said is actually they trusted you and they were right with that judgement – well done with the whole back stage thing – that could have gone horribly wrong for the wrong individual. It is so tricky parenting teenagers – i never thought it would be but it is a learning curve and i’m trying my best so hopefully nothing too hideous will happen along the way (eeeeeek she says!!). Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment xx

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  6. I’ve just viewed my future with this post I feel! Teenagers are a breed of their own! Sounds like you’re doing a fab job though. Hang in there – the teen years will be over before you realise! Lxx

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    1. Ha ha – they certainly are – hopefully I can be of some help to all of you mummies with toddlers and smalls as they get to teen years! If i’ve survived it that is!! thank you so much for reading and commenting x

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  7. I’m not looking forward to this stage at all – because I can remember what I got up too! And before the pressures of social media got added in. It’s so hard to know what to do for the best. Hang in there. Sounds like you’re doing great 🙂

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    1. I think that’s the hardest thing – we remember our teen years oh too clearly – more fool us! But, hey, we survived it – it’s just terrifying to parent our own children through it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment and for your kind words x

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  8. Oh man I’m not looking forward to the teenage years. Yes I know what you mean but I think if parents don’t discipline then kids could really get out of control. Still a frightening thought though! Thanks so much for linking up with us at #bloggerclubuk

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