As I sit here in a cafe, just round the corner, sipping slowly on an Americano, whilst you are writing and recording a song with a music label that people will most definitely know, I’m reflecting. I didn’t stay for the songwriting session. It wasn’t me who was needed. It was you. And as hard as that was … to let go and let you do your thing … it made me realise that this is your time now.
I’m no longer needed to hold your hand or make decisions for you. You don’t need me to guide you to make your own way. You’ve grown and have your own amazing talents that people want to explore and develop … people that don’t want me there … they want you … they want my daughter … my little girl who is very much grown up now … and, whilst I’m so very proud of you, I’m also a little tearful as I feel, I don’t know … surplus, I guess. What is my role?
As I sat and watched you hold your own in conversation with the producers … outlining your loves and ideas … I sat there with very little to say and very little to add (very unlike me, I must admit!). My views wouldn’t mean anything, anyway … I really felt like the mum. I think the term ‘Mumager’ was mentioned, bandied about … the Mum Manager … but that was never my dream … I never wanted to live my dreams through my children … I had my own.
This isn’t a feel sorry for the mum post but it is certainly one of those moments that has just stopped me. Who am I now? Where do I fit in? Am I allowed to still have dreams and aspirations of my own? Or should I have lived my dreams, achieved what I wanted to achieve? Is it time for me to now hand over the gauntlet and live dreaming of what I’m yet to do, yet to be?
It’s bizarre, though, as I’m not sure I’ve yet become who I thought I would but it feels like time is running out … does that make sense? It really is your turn now and whilst I couldn’t be happier for you … you deserve the world … I’m not sure what I’m needed to do … I’ll support you and encourage but you don’t need it, darling … you know exactly what to do and, with or without my words, you’ll go show the world just how incredible you are because you’ve always had that strength …
… I’ve always known that one day you would be doing exactly what you are doing now … you’ve always had such a sparkle that’s infectious. I’m thrilled that you’re my girl with such dreams … and it’s amazing that they are finally becoming a reality … go wow them … go live them … make them your life, beautiful, and I promise to be here and support you as you have the best journey ever … I couldn’t be prouder … it really is your time now, darling … just saying.