Operation Skinny Jean

OMG! Right, I admit, there are going to be a few different camps here. There will be those of you who don’t wear skinny jeans and, for those, you can just read and giggle at my expense. There will then be those that wear skinny jeans but who have the figure to wear skinny jeans to match … you know the type … the ones whose legs glide effortlessly into the ridiculously skinny denim clad length of material … with even a little gap between flesh and material … it’s OK, I don’t hate you … you too may giggle at my expense (but only a little!). And then there are those that, OMG I hope there are some of you, that may perhaps sympathise with me and completely get where I am coming from … the pulling on of skinny jeans over not so much skinny skinny legs … OMG (yes, I am well aware that that it is the third time I’ve used that expression in one paragraph … needs must and all that) why do we even bloody bother?

The fiasco that so accompanies, what I can only call, ‘Operation Skinny Jean’ is perhaps, well, quite categorically, the most unfeminine range of repeat movements I have ever carried out in all of my entire life. The fact that ‘repeat’ is in the ‘operation’ is really very upsetting as I’d like to think that, after all of these years, I would have learnt how to be such an expert in the pulling on of the skinny jean … and that I had achieved it with some grace and elegance but … no … I haven’t … so, the repeat of such movements still has me hanging my head in complete and utter shame … oh, come on, please tell me I don’t need to explain in more detail … surely you know … I’m not going to have to spell it out more than there is lots of squatting and grimacing and sweating … and … squatting and  … oh let’s not forget the occasional high kick thrown in … goodness I need to stop there … right there … people who actually know me read this blog … but let’s suffice to say that there are a few rules to the successful pulling on of skinny jeans … you’ll thank me later, I promise.

  1. Keep the bedroom door closed.
  2. Do not carry out ‘Operation Skinny Jean’ in front of the mirror.
  3. Keep the bloody bedroom door closed.
  4. Do not allow husband or child to watch you carry out ‘Operation Skinny Jean.’
  5. Oh FFS keep the BLOODY bedroom door closed.

So the general theme is that the trying on of skinny jeans is to be a private affair, otherwise all sanity, dignity and any ounce of feminism will be lost forever … believe me … let’s just say that my husband’s reference to the Michael McIntyre sketch below did, somewhat, mar my unsupported view that I was able to dress myself in an Audrey Hepburn/Parisian style manner at all times and that I had achieved a self-imposed status of having become a sophisticated elegant girl who could rock the pulling on of the skinny jean with expertise and style … sadly, I think perhaps not, now … so, with no further ado, once I’ve found my boyfriend jeans, I’ll hand you over to Michael …

 

… just saying!

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91 thoughts on “Operation Skinny Jean

  1. I’m with u on the skinny jeans!Don’t even make me start! I’m not into them and usually they don’t even make it past my calves. Yet all I’m seeing when I’m looking for jeans are the skinny ones and super skinnies. The straight ones are so hard to find these days! 😑

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  2. Oh I wish that I had Audrey’s style so elegant like you say. When I get into my skinny jeans everyday (I live in them), I jump round the room like a mad woman, so that I can pull them. It is not the easiest of operations! Why do we bother?!?

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  3. Seen that clip before and just makes me laugh so much. I have never worn ‘skinny jeans’ definately don’t have the figure – can just hear your and Angela’s comments if I did! In ‘my day’ we had tight jeans that we had to lie on the bed to do the zip up! xx

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  4. Brilliant – yes you’re right – absolutely no-one should see the putting on of the skinny jeans! I do tend to live in mine but it’s always a bit of squeeze after they go through the wash haha xx #triballove #ablogginggoodtime

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  5. I only wear jeggings – do those count as skinny jeans? Probably not, I suspect – they’re really just leggings made to look like denim. Actual skinny jeans always get stuck on my calves, which are pretty muscular thanks to hours and hours of stroller walking. #ablogginggoodtime #triballove

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  6. Haha you make me laugh. I’m with Katie – jeggings are the closest I get to jeans now! I always found jeans uncomfortable. The tights though, that was close to home hahahah – oh and that sketch explains why I don’t wear heels haha! #ablogginggoodtime

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  7. While I do love skinny jeans – I don’t know what to do with all of the spare space around my ankles without them – they are no longer my friends. It seems everything except for my hips have gone back to prebaby size, which means that I’m muffin topping out of all my pairs aha. x
    #traballove

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  8. I bloody love you you totally crack me up. I can actually imagine you doing this but I can also imagine you not having troubles either because I think you have a stunning figure – this actually gives me a little boost (sorry) because it’s nice to hear someone who’s figure I admire for being gorgeous has issues with skinny jeans.

    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime #triballove xoxo

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  9. This is brilliant! I learned the very difficult way previously that wearing skinnies when it’s a child swimming lesson day is insanely stupid and never to be repeated…

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    1. oh I am so glad it’s not just me – can just imagine a whole bunch of comments telling me they are in the skinny skinny club and what on earth am I talking about! Thank you so much for your comment xx

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  10. So funny and relatable. Women everywhere are cursing the day skinny jeans were invented, I usually grip onto the belt loops for dear life and then jump like a mad women until my muffin top is wedged in tight!!! Of course none of this can be witnessed I just appear looking fabulous darling if not a little out of breath and unable to sit down. Thanks for sharing the pain #fortheloveofBLOG

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  11. Omg I wiggle the same as Michael McIntyre, then I do some lunges and to take them off I lie on the floor and get my OH to peel them off. Its not attractive once doing the laundry he asked me if my skinny jeans were our little boys…time to send those to the charity shop. I haven’t had a material flesh gap since having him. Fabulous post made me chuckle as always #fortheloveofBLOG

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  12. Oh YES YES YES. I have just made a hole in my favourite pair of skinnies and I’d just about mastered the wriggle into them (by that I mean I had stretched the waistband enough for it not to be too humiliating). Now I have to shop for a new pair and it will take me years to get them to comply … hilarious post lovely! (And I’m sure you look super elegant). #KCACOLS

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  13. Oh my son and husband often enter the bedroom just to witness operation skinny jean, the wiggling, swearing and general thrashing causes no end of amusement… I have to say I have similar problems removing the damn things over what my son calls my fat knees…. I honestly don’t know why I bother! Great post chick #kcacols

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  14. Clearly judging by all the comments, you are not alone! And I can only echo what everyone else has said. It’s not so much my legs, but my bum and hips that are the issue, so I totally relate to the lunging technique you mention!! I often wonder if I should even wear them as I am most certainly not in the ‘skinny camp’ but I’m a curvy 10-12 and I ‘think’ they look okay so I go with it. That and I just can’t get on with bootcut anymore! Love this post, thanks for sharing. #fortheloveofBLOG

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  15. Oh so funny! I have been known (by myself only – the door stays closed) to lie down and pull on…I find that to be very effective! Ugh I have skinny jeans and wear them but I don’t really like them. And tights…why oh why do they come up quite so far! That clip is funny! #KCACOLS

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  16. So glad you mentioned Michael McIntyre as I was reading your post thinking of that sketch wondering “has she seen it? I must comment telling her to look….but now I’m going to have to spend ages looking for it” phew: saved me a job!

    My problem is I have skinny calves and curvy thighs. I can get jeans up to my knees as then I literally have to jump until they are up! #KCACOLS

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    1. Aww it really is the sketch ever isn’t it?! Thank you so much for your comment = argh the jumping up and down technique – that’s one I haven’t tried yet – brilliant! thank you so so much for commenting xx

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  17. My skinny jeans are actually jennings from M&S but they have pockets and button up just like jeans. I’m hugely against leggings as trousers so if my jeans were anything like legging I wouldn’t wear them but they are just like jeans only stretchier and this is excellent for my not so skinny frame. #KCACOLS

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  18. Pahaha OMG indeed! I LOVE skinny jeans because they’re sooo comfy but the bloody shapes I have to throw to get into them is just ridiculous. G walked into the bedroom the other morning whilst I was sporting my maneuvers- we made eye contact and he just turned around and walked out- probably laughing his head off- I forgot to close the bloody bedroom door! #KCACOLS #triballove

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  19. Brilliant Helen! And how I love Michael McIntyre for getting it spot on always. I am a jumper upper and downer through and through for this particularly sport and generally, everything that is not fixed to a bone will join in. Why do we put ourselves through it. I heard a sneaky rumour they may be on their way out. #JustSaying!! Thanks for joining us at #KCACOLS. Please come back next week, we love having you here Nicky x

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  20. Been there! Quite often a daily occurance in my life as skinny jeans are totally essential, but totally painful to get on. Unfortunately the husband has already seen me doing said skinny dance around the bedroom and usually looks both amused and perplexed at the same time. Im sad to say that pregnancy hasnt stopped me from performing this daily ritual as I cleverly decided to purchase skinny maternity jeans – cue heavily pregnancy skinny jean dance, fun! 😉 Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

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    1. Ha ha glad you understand – and brilliant that you’re still in the pregnancy ones – style all the way! and oh i can only imagine that dance! Thank you so much for your lovely comment xx

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  21. Just popping back again to say that I will most probably be wearing my trusted skinny jeans to the Brit Mums event on Friday. They might be a nightmare to get into but you can’t go wrong with a skinny jean 🙂 #marvmondays

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  22. Another fab post! Really made me laugh! I don’t wear skinny jeans myself but I’m pretty sure that if i tried I would fail to get into a pair. XX #MarvMondays

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  23. on a daily basis I’m jumping around my bedroom getting into my jeans.
    after the jumping its the squatting and making sure their on right, then sucking in the tummy and doing them up!

    I’m glad its not just me who does this lol!!!

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  24. haha! Ive ruined so many pairs of jeans trying to pull them up by the belt hook bits and then they rip! So many times, yet I never learn, I still buy skinny jeans and I still ruin them, because I WILL get into them if its the last thing I do lol – oh, and once they are on, they stay on until it feels as if my uterus has been completely pushed to the back my body and I am in actual pain haha.. BUT, I will wear them! funny (and true) post! #kcacols

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  25. Haha I know exactly what you mean. I have a terrible love affair with skinny jeans, I like them but they really do not like me. I should probably stick to other types but every now and then I see a lovely pair of skinny ones that I think will fit, but as soon as I try them on the wiggling and huffing begins. #marvmondays

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  26. I used to be one of those annoying people in camp 2 and could glide into my skinny jeans (ok maybe with a little bounce at the end) but karma has come around big time since the latter stages of my pregnancy and the birth of my baby three weeks ago and I can no longer even get my maternity (yes MATERNITY!) skinny jeans past my hips. Sob. #MarvMondays

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    1. aww not annoying – I’m in awe of those types! Oh if you were there once then you’ll be there again – babies are faaaaar more important than skinnies! Hope all going ok lovely and thank you so much for your comment xx

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  27. Ha ha! This made me chuckle! As I’m about to don my skinnies and will prob do my version of a tribal dance, squats and jumping in the air holding the waistband hoping I will just miraculously slip in them! #KCACOLS

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  28. Ahahahahaha! This is so funny! I used to call it the ‘tumble dryer dance’. That horrible feeling when your jeans have shrunk slightly and require stretching out a little before you can get into them. Did you ever see the add with the girl using a coat hanger to get them done up? Reminded me of this. Thanks, as always, for linking. #bigpinklink

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