The Vlog: Disciplining Teens

The disciplining of teens is a really tricky concept as we are talking about individuals who are very nearly adults so discipline has to be age appropriate … but this is not as easy as some may think. For those of you who watched my first blog, you may remember that I discussed with my eldest daughter, Georgia, what teens really want and what they don’t want from their parents. Interestingly, she made a strong point about disliking the mobile phone being taken away as a form of punishment … as I am sure many teens would agree!

Based on this concept, I consulted with Sarah and Jayne, two experts who specialise in pre-teen and teen behaviour from BE Integrative Therapy and produced the following vlog focusing on the very issue about appropriate discipline of teens who are nearly adults. I thoroughly enjoyed chatting with them and learnt heaps! I hope that anyone going through similar issues with their teens will also gain some perspective and guidance, as I did.

Sarah and Jayne have very kindly agreed to work with me on a regular basis providing advice around teen issues so if any parents out there would like to see a particular issue discussed please get in touch.

 

Thank you so much for watching … and a huge thank you to Sarah and Jayne for agreeing to help me with this project … just saying!

 

Linking with:

Mummuddlingthrough

A Cornish Mum

The Pramshed

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

 

 

50 thoughts on “The Vlog: Disciplining Teens

  1. Fab vlog Helen – really interesting and good to know the mobile phone (and tablet lol) isn’t just an issue in our house 🙂 You’re such a natural at vlogging, can’t wait to see more! x #triballove

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  2. Really interesting Helen, forget the book idea, make a the show! Lol! Obviously you know I have several years to go on this but I think kids have technology at an even younger age so having a tool to deal with the use of it is extremely helpful. Ivevrrad a lot on dealing with younger kids recently, it’s nice to see a teenage perspective and the both calm down before discussing is such a good idea, one that will probably work at any age. I’ve been reading about Kate orsons giggle parenting FYI! Thanks k #triballpve

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    1. Oh thank you for your wonderful feedback – hmm a show? Why not?! You’re right about the age and technology so this advice is probably relevant to a much wider audience than just teens. I agree about the calming down first I also loved Sarah and Jayne’s discussion around respect both ways – some very useful points made. I LOVE Kate Orson’s parenting perspective too! Thank you for your comment lovely xx

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  3. I was looking forward to your second vlog because you are a natural. You pick out the important points well. I thought the most interesting point that was made was about communication: teach them how to communicate with people. I absolutely agree with this 110%! My step daughter in particular needed help with this. I won’t go on here, just to say though that this is an excellent point to make. It seems obvious in a way, but when you have a teen who struggles with this, you realise how important our job as parents is to help them with this aspect of growing up. Alison x #coolmumclub

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    1. Oh you’re so kind – thank you so much for your feedback – it really is so helpful! Communication is a huge part of being a better parent according to the specialists I consulted and they are so right but as a parent we have to take a step back so we are prepared to communicate and not just react too quickly – such a hard balance sometimes when in the middle of ‘life.’ Thank you, as always, for your considered answers – they are so helpful xx

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  4. That’s so interesting! I would have thought that taking a phone away is an acceptable discipline (depending on the offence), but you guys are right, I would hate it if someone took my phone off of me! In fact, I would prefer if you just cut the internet off for a night, just so that I had the comfort of having my phone there! (Of course, I have an irrational fear that something will go wrong if I don’t have my phone on me…like someone will go to hospital and I won’t know about it because I don’t have my phone.)

    I remember (and still do this now with my Mum) that I always just wanted my Mum to respect me in the same way that I respected her. Respect receives respect…and I used to scream that at the top of my lungs to her! Haha, there is nothing worse than being treated like a child when you feel like an adult though!

    Great vlog, enjoyed the dog eating the notes! Hahah!
    Lucy xxx #triballove

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    1. Oh Lucy, thank you for your lovely comment! The cutting off the internet is a good thing – except I would be punished too oh and they have 4G! I agree with you about them needing to feel like adults and being treated accordingly – that aspect really does go two ways doesn’t it?! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment xx

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  5. Such great points made. I agree that communication is the key. By removing something you are cutting the lines of communication for them and also between you both as they are mad so this makes total sense, although I know I would probably react in the same way initially! Great blog hun, thank you for linking it up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

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    1. Aww thank you lovely – communication is just so key in so much in life though isn’t it so I don’t know why we don’t live our lives like this more – I do try but sometimes quick reaction takes over – damn those stressed reactions! Thank you for your lovely comment xx

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  6. Ohhh get you with your experts and everything!! Such a brilliant idea, I love it. This is so informative and great advice – I really like the idea of talking things through as much as possible and kind of rethinking the idea of punishment. I read a lot about gentle parenting (although specifically to toddlers and small children rather than teens) and it seems to be the same kind of ethos – empathy and trying to address the causes of behaviour rather than just stamping those behaviours out by punishing children. When I was a teenager I don’t remember many actual punishments, it was definitely more talking about when they were disappointed in me, etc. I am really looking forward to the rest of this series! #ablogginggoodtime

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    1. Oh, Ellen, thank you so much for your comment. I’m so enjoying the vlogging and just can’t wait to continue with all the ideas that I have. So many mums have messaged me too with questions they would like answered that I think there will be many more blogs to follow. You’re so right about the communication and asking things through – definitely the best way through and I think gentle parenting can be applied to so many of the stages – let’s hope it works on teens too. Thank you for commenting xx

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  7. What a great idea to work with experts! The mobile phone thing is so tricky – they didn’t exist when I was a teenager, but they’re so central to teen life (and, well, everyone’s life) now, so it’s hard to take them away. At the same time, teens can get too obsessed with their phones and miss out on actual life, can’t they? I guess it’s all about trying to talk things through as much as possible to hopefully come to some sort of understanding.

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    1. Oh thank you for your comment – the mobile phone is such a hard one as is not something most parents had experience of as teens themselves if they currently have teens – there isn’t a benchmark for comparison so it’s all very new and every parent is trying their best to do it the correct way. I thunk communication is key and if we can all step back a little from emotions we probably already know this but sometimes hard to put into practise. Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment x

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  8. Such a brilliant idea, and a really engaging interview/conversation from all four (!) of you. I found this incredibly interesting. I was really thinking that the phone was a reasonable ‘punishment/consequence’ etc but this has made me reflect a lot…obviously my toddler is in a different place to a child approaching adulthood but I have read and believe it’s right for us to always make a consequence relevant to the problem – ie. If he won’t stop eating his scrambled egg like the Cookie Monster (a favourite, less than calming pastime), the egg will be removed NOT he won’t be allowed to watch swashbuckle or something. Does that make sense!? It’s also interesting, one theory I’ve read on how to handle a potential meltdown is to say ‘how shall we get your teeth cleaned’ for example, rather than ‘sit down I’m cleaning your teeth’ etc etc. It’s about giving them control and showing patience etc. Now like I say this is all very different to dealing with a pre-teen/teen but it really made me feel as though I should be aware of all these things as he grows, not just for now. I love the idea of saying, we need to chat about this. And so true about an older child – 90% of the time, if not more, of course they’ll know when you’re not happy…they’ll know when they’ve done something wrong. Communication communication communication…right that’s going to be my mantra. I’ll check back in in ten years time and let you know how I’ve got on! #ablogginggoodtime X

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    1. Oh Lucy, thank you so much for your considered comment. I completely agree about the ‘punishment’ fitting the crime so to speak so obviously if the issue that occurs is to do with the phone then perhaps a ban for a few hours of the phone is the best course of action but if unrelated to the phone then should it be the phone that is taken away? Raising teens is no mean feat but I take on board the issues around conversation and communication – i’m trying and just consulting Sarah and Jayne has hugely changed my perspective on how to deal with particular issues. Ha ha to the 10 years – enjoy them my lovely xx

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  9. I am in complete awe of your amazing vlogging skills. You are such a natural vlogger and interviewer. This is just brilliant. You need to get on the sofa on This Morning. It is such an informative and interesting vlog as well. I need to remember this for the future – eeeeeks!

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  10. Ah you have experts! What a great idea! You look great on camera, such a natural. Totally agree with Emma above, you should get on This Morning!!!! Also loving the background and the all black theme. : ) Really interesting thoughts about how children use mobile phones for different reasons, it’s not just for chatting with friends but it’s for inspiration and research. I need to remember this in the future!

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    1. Ha ha I’m happy to dream about that but thank you for your gorgeous words of encouragement. I think predominantly the phones are used for communication but it is just so much more than just that these days isn’t it – my life is on my phone! Thank you for your comment lovely xx

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  11. Fab vlog Helen – I totally understand why parents take mobiles off teenagers, but also see why it gets such a strong reaction. I for one get really annoyed when my hubby moans about me being on the phone as I’m not necessarily being unsociable, I’m looking at photos, arranging our plans, reading the news etc. I think if I was sat there with a newspaper or a camera I wouldn’t be getting ‘told off’ by him! Ha. So this is a really interesting perspective. You are such a natural on camera – you should be a presenter!! xx #coolmumclub

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    1. Oh you’re so right – I too really get annoyed when hubby criticises me for being on the phone – it’s a personal organiser and just so much a part of us now isn’t it?! And you’re so right, if i was reading a book he wouldn’t ask me to put it down – hmmm interesting point! Thank you for your gorgeous feedback lovely xx

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  12. I loved your vlog piece today! I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of developing mutual respect through discussion with your teens as the nearly-adults they are! I can remember doing this and finding myself overcome with a sneaky pride at how good my girls were at giving me total head spin with their articulate way of putting their points of view! Such a great chance to take joy in the women they have since become! It seems so clever of them to develop their own perspectives independent of ours and although I found it hard to let go of each stage of parenthood, the fantastic thing is that each new stage brings fresh joy (alongside the frustrations!) In times to come, you’ll also be able to produce your vlog pieces and say ‘look!!! I am trying my best!!!’ Your 3 are lucky to have you x

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    1. Oh thank you so so much! Isn’t is just wonderful to see them develop and watch them learn how to put across their own arguments – hmmm mine seem particularly good at that – and proud we should be, I guess! Letting go is the hardest thing, you are right, but equipped with the right tools we can only watch with wonder and amazement and pride! Thank you so much for your feedback – invaluable xx

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  13. Love this- you are a natural in front of the camera and what an expert idea to get the experts in! Our life was less complicated without mobiles -life has a whole different sphere around it now- technology 😦 Thank you for this and keep doing what you do!! 🙂 Lou at http://www.peppermintcove.com #stayclassymama

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    1. Oh thank you for your wonderfully kind feedback – the experts need to move in – they are full of such brilliant advice. I’m filming an interesting one non Monday with them about respecting privacy on social media of our teens whilst keeping them safe – mobile phones seem to provide a lot of vlogging material! Thank you so much for your comment xx

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  14. This was really interesting for me as my daughter is 11 and seems to be hitting the teen strops already. I look forward to more of these vlogs.
    #fortheloveofBlog

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    1. Oh thank you so much – I feel the same – not too much chat out there about parenting teens but I’ve got a whole series of vlogs purely on this topic coming up so any issues you would like to see raised and I will explore with the experts and let you know when it will be published. Thank you for your comment x

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  15. Helen,
    I felt as though I was watching an ‘proper’ news or interview segment on a TV news/magazine show like the One Show or This Morning. You are such a natural in front of the camera and so articulate and warm. You seem so relaxed and have such an engaging style. Seriously, I’m so impressed. I think you should share this with news and media PR or something (not that I know how to go about it) but I think you should diversify!!!

    Sarah and Jayne give such useful advice too.

    Fab! #KCACOLS

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    1. Oh Jane this is such gorgeous feedback – thank you so so much – aww I’d love to take this further but i’m not sure how to either – will look into it – thank you for your lovely comment – it means a lot – and aren’t Sarah and Jayne just excellent?! xx

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  16. I love your vlogs Helen, and I agree with you it must be so difficult to know how to discipline teenagers that are nearly adults. Sarah and Jayne make some really good points about the phone, that it’s not just a phone – it’s used for the Internet and Music, which I hadn’t really thought off. I hope that they have given you some tips on discipline going forward, it must feel awful having to do that. Keep going with the vlogging lovely, and I love the wallpaper too. Thanks so much for linking up this week at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

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  17. With a ten year old and a 12 year old (on Monday) this advice could come in really handy for the future. I think we’re already seeing hints of the hormonal fun to come…. eek. Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

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  18. Great vlog hun, and very useful for those parenting teenagers. I am a long way off these issues yet, but I am sure one day I will be in exactly the same boat. Thanks so much for linking up to #KCACOLS we really hope you come back again on Sunday xx

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