Celebrating All The Bad Mums

Partial to a glass of wine? Only attend the PTA so that you can get that free glass of wine and actually talk to adults instead of children? Cook a really quick and easy dinner night after night because you’ve been too busy on Instagram or your blog or whatever else takes your fancy other than cooking a wholesome meal? And secretly hoping that if you delay cooking dinner maybe, just maybe, someone else will start cooking! Never help with homework because it’s set for your child and not you? Keep hitting that snooze button in the morning whilst dreaming that your children will get themselves up and ready for school? Friday hair just a week long mess of dry shampoo and self-moulds itself into a mum bun?

So, if you answered Β yes to one of these questions does that make you a bad mum? Does that make you one of those mums that is unfit for parenting? One of those parents that is getting such negative press at the moment for being deemed part of the bad mum culture? Of course not!

What is this bad mum culture craze all about? We can’t all be PTA virtuous parents who seem to definitely have double the amount of hours in the day to produce perfectly turned out children, with awesome homework projects, healthy scrumptious meals on the table of an evening with their perfectly manicured nails and their tiny yoga workout hips.

I sound bitter. I’m not. I’m trying my damnedest to be the best bad parent I can. Yes you read that right. That’s my new goal. OK, I admit that isn’t how I used to be but, and I hate to admit this, my husband has raised some good points over the years. His way of parenting, which I must point out here, is brilliant but can at times frustrate the pants off of me, coupled with having watched the movie Bad Moms this week, has got me thinking.

There’s a scene in Bad Moms that highlights a bad mum as someone who doesn’t do their kids’ homework project so that they, hang on shock horror, have to do it themselves and doesn’t get their breakfast ready so they have to, again shock horror, make it themselves. How could they? How could they let their children fend for themselves? My husband couldn’t praise the main character enough for this. He has always had this approach to parenting and I, strongly and increasingly, think he has a really good point. Actually, Mila Kunis, the character in question, Β also happens to be one of the hottest mums out there. My husband may have been a little swayed by her beauty so his opinion may not be unbiased here!

But let’s think about this for a moment. Isn’t it better that we equip our children with the skills to fend for themselves? How are we going to make them independent capable adults if we do everything for them? I’m not saying neglect them but not do everything for them. We all know the mums we are talking about who snowplough parent and move everything of upset out of the path of their child. Yes, it’s tempting but how do they learn? Again, husband has a point!

So, the bad mum culture that seems to have hit lately actually needs to be given more credit. Bad mums I salute you and so should many others.Β I, however, may have left it too late, if I’m brutally honest. I don’t find this whole bad mum approach and culture hugely easy. I like a manicured nail, I even love a blow dry. I love a little getting involved in homework, or the making them do it more to the point, I adore cooking. But, not all is lost on my journey to being a bad mum, I love wine and am obsessed with dry shampoo. I’m working on it! Oh and I adore a lie-in. Right, kids you’re doing your own breakfast tomorrow! Does that count? Hope so … just saying.

99 thoughts on “Celebrating All The Bad Mums

  1. Brilliant blog Helen. Yep I agree it’s about equipping our kids with breakfast skills. So they can bring us breakfast in bed one day ha ha. Mine are too little to help themselves but love the fact that we do break our routine and eat breakfast at random times. It’s also about teaching kids that change is good. Can’t wait to see you at the Lucky Things Meet Up in 2 weeks’ time!!! New year hugs all round xx

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  2. Ahh, I am a cross between bad mum and good mum. One sits on each shoulder. I do have to help Oldest with homework, and I make sure that she completes piano practise everyday. On the other hand I am rubbish at getting up in the morning, I do love a glass of wine (have failed miserably at dry January) and sometimes I might not start dinner hoping that the dinner fairies or Mr C will do it for me πŸ˜‰ Fab post as always! #FortheloveofBLOG

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    1. Ha ha I think so many of us are! I think it’s the encouraging them to be the best they can too – we need to help them on that for sure but not take over. Thank you for your lovely comment xx

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  3. My kids are 18 and 11, they both do their own breakfasts now and if needs be they can make their own lunch and they can work the washing machine (even if they pretend they can’t!). But the best thing for me is that they can both make a lovely cup of tea lol. I am getting them prepared for life, that’s not being a bad mum πŸ˜‰
    #fortheloveofBLOG

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  4. Love your post =) I’m just learning to be a “bad” mom. It’s ok…and you are so right. They need to know how to fend for themselves in case (God Forbid) something happens to us and so that they can be good human beings that don’t look for others to take care of things for them. I want my kid to be a problem solver. Dont’ get me wrong, Im looking over her shoulder or hiding in the bushes to make sure she’s ok…but she doesn’t know that =) #ForTheLoveOfBlog

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  5. You’re so right as always Helen! My Mum was awesome but she never made us breakfast. She got us helping with chores from a young age. She showed us how to cook and then had us helping with dinner. She and Dad helped with homework if we were stuck but otherwise, it was our work. By 15 I would often make my own dinner. (My sis and I were veggie, Dad like meat. It was easier to make pasta everyday, haha!) I would clean my room weekly. I managed my own homework so it was done on time. If that’s what society deems to be a bad mom then I took will have to join you in being one. I’m confident it makes for more well rounded adults and we’re playing the long game here…! #fortheloveofBLOG

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    1. Oh thank you lovely! Oh my word your parents sound like they did a fantastic job! I need to crack on with mine cooking for sure – how wonderful would that be?! Oh and the cleaning of their rooms – oh they are in for a treat now I’ve read this! thank you for your comment xx

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  6. Loved this! I think I try to be a bad mum when they all annoy me & never tidy up after themselves but then my good mum angel peaks out & says ‘just help them a little’. You are right though. They need to learn life skills & sometimes tough love is the only way. #MarvMondays

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    1. Oh thank you! I’m not saying it is easy but my husband is a pro at this type of parenting! I’m trying and I honestly have nothing other than admiration for those parents raising strong independent children! Thank you for your comment xx

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  7. Love this…so true! I know a lot of my friends were given everything, everything done for them ect as you say and when they all moved out of their family home they didn’t have a clue! Me on the other hand, I was brought up having to help out and do things for myself, yes I had to grow up quickly but that’s another story however I’ve not had any problems fending for myself πŸ‘ŒπŸΌ your doing great, hope I can do the same lol xx

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    1. Oh this is so true – I find it hard sometimes not to do everything for them but it isn’t the right way to parent – gentle help and nudge in the right direction for sure but not to take over. Thank you for you comment xx

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  8. Fab post. I regularly turn up at the school without a scrap of makeup, in gym gear and a massive coat and basically look a state. But my kids are clean, dressed and fed and ready for school. The school gates isn’t a fashion show, I’d rather get my daughter there on time than have a face full of slap. Not to say that wearing pyjamas is ok, it isn’t. And wine at the PTA, it’s crap tea only for us!! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays

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  9. My kids get their own breakfast sometimes. And I sit with my daughter when she does her homework, but really only to help if she gets stuck. I think it’s brilliant that they are independent from a young age but I can definitely be guilty of spending far too much time on instagram and the blog and ignoring them. I’m attempting to rectify that a bit, and be more present. I’ll let you know how it goes!!! Thanks for being a fabulous part of the #bigpinklink

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    1. Oh the amount of times I annoy my children because I’m on my phone – makes a change to be that way round as before blogging it was me constantly moaning – I quite like it! However, I agree about being more present – I’m working on it too xx

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  10. I would always choose to be a “bad”mom over the “perfect”mom. So important to teach your kids – especially daughters! that it’s OK to have flaws, be imperfect, be relaxed and not stressed all the time. Teach them how to depend on themselves, to be resourceful and practical..It all comes with being a bad mom – so tell me, are we really bad or are we actually perfect in our imperfection?;)) #MarvMondays

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  11. I actually just watched this movie, hubby and I had a night away (as his parents are staying with us), so we took advantage and stayed in Melbourne. We ended up watching bad mums. I agree she is so hot! One thing I feel is so important as a mum is to raise my kids to be able to cope with the real world, yes I shelter them from the news, but I teach them to clean, and make their own breakfast every morning. I think if we do everything for them we cripple them in ways. Great post! #bigpinklink

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    1. YES! Oh I’m loving the support on this post! I’m not a pro by any means – actually really not at all but I so agree with the sentiment! thank you so much for reading and for your comment xx

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  12. I love this post. I haven’t seen the film yet but I’m pretty sure I am a bad mum. I rarely help my daughter with her homework. I refuse to tidy her mess making her do it for herself and right now I am sat reading this amazing post instead of hanging up the wet washing in the machine and putting dinner in the slow cooker! #bigpinklink

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  13. I watched this on the plane back from the States and it does make you question your parenting approach for sure. My husband like yours argues that I do too much but he doesn’t get that sometimes it is for a quiet life! I have tried staying in bed to leave them to get up and do their own breakfast before school but invariably they are late and leave the house unfed and god forbid unwashed – and how does this reflect on me?? Ha ha. I try to get the balance right between helping them and taking over to the point where they will be deemed incompetent – it’s hard sometimes so thank the lord for wine as always. #bigpinklink

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    1. Oh it must be a husband thing versus a maternal thing!! And I wholeheartedly agree on the whole struggling to let go and it all gong wrong and then we as the mums end up picking up all the pieces – it is easier to do it ourselves!! Thank you for reading and commenting lovely xx

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  14. I think its a great idea to encourage kids to fend for themselves! Precious parenting just isn’t good… it doesn’t equip kids for real life. Yet to see the Bad Moms movie, will have to seek it out and see if I can relate!xx #bigpinklink

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    1. Oh there’s definitely a balance and it does just make you stop and think for a moment about how we are raising our children – it is so tempting just to do everything for them isn’t it? Thank you so much for your comment xx

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  15. I cannot wait for the day my kids will be able to make their own breakfast; especially on the weekends and we could sleep in!! ………………………………………………..sorry…….just got a little lost in a fantasy world of real sleep!! #TwinklyTuesday

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  16. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a glass of wine, letting your kids fend for themselves or doing the odd lazy dinner every now and then. I don’t see it as bad – I just see it as human. We’re all doing what we can to survive, and sometimes that involves baked beans on toast AGAIN. #DreamTeam

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    1. Absolutely and I really dislike this focus on a bad mum culture that seems to be doing the rounds lately. if you’ve watched the film you’ll understand why it frustrated me that they highlighted a bad mum as not doing the children’s breakfast and not doing their school projects – crazy – I love that kind of bad mum! Obviously my post is a little tongue in cheek. Thank you for your comment x

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  17. I bloody love this! I have actually just written the rocking motherhood post and in it I try and make the point that because I let my little girls make their own decisions, feel the consequence of these decisions and even let them settle their own disputes I am in fact a good mum (I put it better in the post). I don’t parent from a distance but I try not to ‘helicopter mum’ either. I want them to grow up independent I hope I am going the right way about it. I will of course sit and help them with their homework if they are really stuck. I will try and teach them what they need to know. But am I going to sit there and do their maths homework FOR them? Hell no! I’ll be at the PTA drinking wine πŸ˜‰
    #DreamTeam

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    1. Aww thank you for your super supportive comment! Love it! It is about helping them to become independent isn’t it?! Oh and no not doing the maths homework – mine are teens – their maths is hard so probably couldn’t do it!! Thank you for reading lovely xx

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  18. Erm, what if I answered yes to all of the above? *blush* I was just sitting here thinking “thank god I’ve got some dry shampoo upstairs because I don’t have time to wash my hair” because you know, I have blogs to read and linkies to join in with and stuff πŸ˜‰ I also drank two cups of coffee in quick succession this morning purely because it was too early for vodka and there are far too many days where I look are they the clock are count down the hours until bed time. I’m a bad mum aren’t I lol.
    Great post by the way. I loved this and nodded along to every word.

    #Twinklytuesdays

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    1. Oh thank you so much for your comment! Glad you were reading this post instead of washing your hair! oh it’s all about that balance isn’t it? I just hate the term bad mums when actually we are trying to step back to give our children some independence too! Thank you for your comment xx

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    1. I think it’s about understanding that the ‘bad mums’ craze is actually quite a negative term when if all that they are doing wrong is letting their children perhaps do their own homework and make their own breakfast this in fact is building independent children! This is obviously a tongue in cheek kind of post of course!

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  19. Such a great post. I don’t know where I sit, it really depends on if I’ve ended he day needing a glass of red wine (bad mum). I don’t like labels, so just know that what I’m doing is perfect for my family and I’m ok with people (including in law’s) pointing out flaws, cos! Yvadney x #DreamTeam

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  20. Love this – I think there’s a balance to be found but it’s not always easy to find! It’s so annoying when people are quick to label ‘bad mums’ when, as you say, a lot of the things they are doing are actually positive parenting choices! We don’t all have to parent the same, there’s room for all sorts.
    Everyone is raving about this film, I really need to see it. #FamilyFun

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  21. Absolutely raising a glass to you on this! I’ve got a post in my drafts as we speak about this very topic. We seem to assume that we have to take on all the responsibilities of a saint just because we have given birth. Yes, having a child makes me want to be a better person and to try my hardest to give them everything that they need to thrive, but have I automatically been given super powers because along with the stretch marks? Nope. I’m still the same numpty that I was before and I need to be a bit more realistic in my expectations. πŸ˜‰ Love this Helen and I couldn’t agree with you more. Thanks for sharing with #DreamTeam x

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    1. Oh sorry did you not receive your super powers?! It’s crazy how much pressure we put on ourselves and then when you see the mums (we know the types) that are doing their children’s homework projects time after time – who are hey really helping? I’m sure you’re not a numpty but realistic is definitely the way forward. Thank you so much for your lovely comment and can’t wait to read your post too xx

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  22. Oooh I don’t know if I’m the write person for this. I think you’re husbands attitude has excellent merit and in theory I would love follow suit, but I can already imagine that I won’t be able to keep my nose out. I want to be involved in the midst and getting stuck in with them, maybe I am a control freak? Maybe I need to step back a little more…maybe I will when my time comes, but I am not holding out much hope… thanks for joining us at #familyfun xx

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    1. Oh it’s a very much tongue in cheek kind of post – I’m diabolical at stepping back but there are some merits to be said for the approach for sure! Thank you so much for reading and commenting xx

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  23. Kids definitely need to fend for themselves a bit more, there’s already a pampered generation out there that can barely do a thing for themselves and have been so sheltered from everything they can’t cope with the demands of daily life. I think it’s referred to as generation snowflake!
    #FamilyFun

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    1. Generation snowflake! Brilliant! Never heard that term. Obviously, this was a little bit of a jokey kind of post but with an element of actually we shouldn’t be doing everything for the children – gentle support and encouragement! Thank you so much for reading xx

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  24. Have to admit that I can’t see how encouraging our children to do things for themselves is being a bad mum but based on your questions I definitely fall into the bad mum category and that’s fine with me! Although my reliance on dry shampoo is something that I’d like to reduce…! πŸ™‚ #ablogginggoodtime

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  25. I am a bad mum too! I was nodding too much whilst reading that first paragraph. πŸ˜‰ but like we need to raise our kids to express Themselves and think independently we need to also raise them to be independent. As mum to a special needs child I strongly believe this and most of my life is spent fightIng for him to have/be independent. Loved this! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime πŸŽ‰

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  26. I’ve always gone the baby led route to parenting and often let R struggle on to do things for himself. I’m sure I’ll put this philosophy into practice as he gets older too and let him try to do things from a distance too! I’ll always be there if he asks for help though!! Go bad mums! I like the idea of not making breakfast too!! Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

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  27. Yay to all the bad mums out there! I’m right there with the quick dinners, dry shampoo and getting their own breakfast…but the homework thing, I’m the complete opposite! My kids go to school with my very best effort! I regularly have to remind myself – it’s their homework, not yours!! #ablogginggoodtime

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  28. Oooo I don’t know what type of mum I am yet…Zach is only four so we are not into that part of parenting. I know if I was to let him make his own breakfast, there’d be cheerios everywhere! That said, he does like to pour his milk so he’s on his way! Great honest post. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

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  29. I have a 10 month old and already feel like I fall into the bad mum culture!! Messy room, bed hair, piles of washing but of course he’s fed, healthy, happy and taken care of πŸ’– Being a mum is fab

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